Weight of expectation

I was fencing on Wednesday night and although things went better (i.e. I didn't end up drop kicking my mask across the room and at least one of my foils worked) I still found myself getting frustrated. It was half way through a fight that I was losing pretty comprehensively when I realised that I was incredibly tense which resulted in me flailing around dramatically every time my opponent so much as twitched. Once I had realised this and mentally shook myself off I actually scored two or three points in a row (then my foil handle worked loose and the moment was gone again). I pondered this on the way home and after some thought have the following ruminations that may be worth sharing. Or maybe not but here goes anyway!
So why was I stressed? Well, I could wheel out the old "things have been hectic at work and at home" excuse (which they have) but I think it was more than this. One of the problems I sometimes inflict upon myself is the weight of my own expectations. I don't think anyone else noticeably burdens me in this respect but when I fence I really feel it sometimes. In my head I am trying to be the cool composed Ninja-like dealer of destruction but in reality I'm pretty far away from that most of the time. (In fact I am only human). I spend so much time telling others to remain calm and coaching people through situations that I naturally expect to be able to do it easily myself. There is a fear that if my students see that I can't achieve it they will think of me as some sort of fraud. I know this is irrational but this is how the mind works - any excuse to remain in it's comfort zone and not move on. By this I mean that the subconscious can create a self fulfilling situation; you worry that you won't be as good as you think (or others expect), you put pressure on yourself and voila, you are not as good as you think. The trick is to jettison all those prejudices, expectations and old habit patterns of thinking. Get beyond the imagination and get into the real moment. This is quite a common thing and doesn't just apply to sport. It can catch you out though so be aware of self defeating expectations; what other people think or say doesn't really matter a damn. It's the spirit moving you that counts.