Deference
Deference, de'fer-ens, n. A yielding in opinion; regard; respect; submission,
I want to discuss deference in this post (in case you hadn't guessed). As you can see from the dictionary definition above some aspects of deference are quite positive. It is good to have respect for someone and to regard them and their opinions as valuable. It starts to become a problem in fencing when the last definition creeps in and you start to submit to someone. This is when it can become a negative phenomenon.
The other night I was watching a match in the salle in which one of the fencers was obviously the dominant one. I don't know either fencer particularly well, except to say that they are both polite and well adjusted individuals but I could observe that one fencer was clearly being dominated by the other, even to the point where a clear hit on his behalf was being conceded to the other player once the more assertive fellow questioned the president's phrasing. Yes, even the President was swayed on more than one occasion from giving the hit the way he thought he should; instead he gave it to the more vocal fencer. Naturally the more dominant fencer continued with this behaviour and why not? It was getting him lots of hits!
So how do you as a fencer deal with this? Well first, you should decide whether you are a dominant fencer already. If so, be aware that there are limits to this behaviour that are acceptable (in my opinion). It is fine for you to be confident and enter the piste as if it is your territory, give a firm handshake and eye contact during the salute. It is not fine for you to start questioning decisions and generally being rude.
If you are on the receiving end of such behaviour I always feel it is better not to concede anything or express an opinion. If you feel that the president is being unfairly influenced then you should take the action that you feel is the most considerate; telling the president he is weak is not the best option!
So be assertive, not aggressively dominant and be polite, but not a doormat!
I want to discuss deference in this post (in case you hadn't guessed). As you can see from the dictionary definition above some aspects of deference are quite positive. It is good to have respect for someone and to regard them and their opinions as valuable. It starts to become a problem in fencing when the last definition creeps in and you start to submit to someone. This is when it can become a negative phenomenon.
The other night I was watching a match in the salle in which one of the fencers was obviously the dominant one. I don't know either fencer particularly well, except to say that they are both polite and well adjusted individuals but I could observe that one fencer was clearly being dominated by the other, even to the point where a clear hit on his behalf was being conceded to the other player once the more assertive fellow questioned the president's phrasing. Yes, even the President was swayed on more than one occasion from giving the hit the way he thought he should; instead he gave it to the more vocal fencer. Naturally the more dominant fencer continued with this behaviour and why not? It was getting him lots of hits!
So how do you as a fencer deal with this? Well first, you should decide whether you are a dominant fencer already. If so, be aware that there are limits to this behaviour that are acceptable (in my opinion). It is fine for you to be confident and enter the piste as if it is your territory, give a firm handshake and eye contact during the salute. It is not fine for you to start questioning decisions and generally being rude.
If you are on the receiving end of such behaviour I always feel it is better not to concede anything or express an opinion. If you feel that the president is being unfairly influenced then you should take the action that you feel is the most considerate; telling the president he is weak is not the best option!
So be assertive, not aggressively dominant and be polite, but not a doormat!
posted by Dave at
9:39 AM
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